An Empty Bowl

The Reason

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I saw this on a friends blog and it gave me some strength amidst my emoness. I hope it'll serve to inspire you in its own way as well. cheers, salty.

LIFE AND HOW TO SURVIVE IT

A speech by Adrian Tan. Thanks Victoria for sharing.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction ?C probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truthr. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work? Its the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy

the soup spilled @
6:21 PM

Sunday, August 31, 2008

just felt like writing..

good morning my fellow soups (and sides),

just felt like writing sth at 0342..

seems like some of us are going through some tough times..
handling uni, work, ppl, new found friendship/relationship, old relationship, time management, trying to talk in accent, and many others...

tough times dont last, tough man do!
what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger!
you can do it!

some 'motivational' quotes to spur all of us on!
do hope we(the guys) can adapt to uni life soon.. really dislike the come and go feeling... 3 weeks has passed already.. it can only get better, i hope..

just came across this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hulRniQjfDo&feature=related
though we arent really considered struggling, but nonetheless, nice song! go read its lyrics, thought it's really meaningful and nice..
some preview of the chorus:
If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what
Don't give up
THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

well, to all those deep in thoughts and feelings, dont think too much.. not to ask you to be nonchalant about it.. but as what i often advocate, follow your heart and just jump into it.. may not be the most logical, reasonable, rational or what have you.. but good things may happen, at the time that you least expected it to..

alrights, talk too much and may not make sense..
time for bed.. at 0410 or perhaps later..

~thesoupistooboss~
counting down.. 37 hours 50 mins...

Labels: emo

the soup spilled @
3:40 AM

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Randomly posting from school! Had a lesson in the morning till 12 and one more at 1530 finishing at 1845. w00t life rocks! My calves and thighs are still aching from the hopelessly organised AHM.

thesoupistoofumo

the soup spilled @
3:02 PM

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Square root of 3

Square Root of Three

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun,
as 1.7321
Such is my reality,
a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed
- Dave Feinberg

well well... back to getting emo again.. kind of nice being in this mood again.. tears moisturizing your eyes.. even during harold and kumar.. not that i am thinking of the past.. but just find it very sweet, very sweet of him...

hmm... this thought suddenly flashed across me.. didn't kumar just sort of like.. ks-ed someone?? even during her wedding day?
not that i support it, but neither do i object to it..
2 people, if you're meant to be together, you will be together..
and when you're together, truly appreciate and love each other..
it takes a lot for 2 people to come together and become couple..
not easy to maintain and sustain a relationship, this i can vouch for it..
but all it takes is a smile on her face to make it all worthwhile..

deviated from the topic.. if you think you can better provide for the person,
then perhaps you can say you have the "right" to ks..
and better provide refers to happiness.. long-term happiness..
otherwise, if you truly love the person, you will want her to smile, be happy..
and if the other party can do it better than you, probably it's time to step aside..

love.. very close to achieving nirvana.. though do miss the feeling of somebody taking care of you, loving you.. it is nice.. but it's okay.. have you guys..

maybe this will happen.. me driving a lexus convertible with a dog accompanying me.. driving along the highway in my smart 4, with 3 crabs on each shoulder (unless cock saf decides to change and place the rank on my chest).. enjoying the breeze.. knowing that singapore is safe and sound.. (oops, late for our 50th council gathering)

-thesoupistooboss-

the soup spilled @
1:32 AM

Saturday, July 5, 2008

pharm camp

back from camp, yet lonelier than ever..

how do I explain this? you go to a camp, you hav fun, u interact, u make many many frens, u hav fun, u slpp really little but ur still happy. but when you reach home, the reality hits you that no1 is there. no 1 special is there to look forward to your return. sure... by saying this i take my parents for granted, but who doesnt. what I'm looking for here is a different thing, but dfor all who read this blog, u know what i mean. there is no 1 person to look forward to seeing at the end of the day. so even if you know all the beautiful girls in camp and hav fun with all the cool guys, u still come back to nothing at the end of the day. thats right, my four walls wait for me.... nothing else... nothing else...

thesoupistooid~

the soup spilled @
12:46 AM

Monday, June 30, 2008

Somebody

Hey, what about today? Is everything ok?
The world is in my hands. But i don't care.
Something in my mind.
If i could realize, the colours in my eyes are black and white.

Don't believe its true. If i blame it on you.
I'm only trying to hide.
I'm not right.
Forgive me if you can.
Sometimes i'm not a man.
My body's here but it's without me.

Lonely among a thousand people, this is how i feel.

Somebody. Please help me. Where is my soul?
Somebody. Please help me. Where is my soul?
Somebody. Please help me. Where is my soul?
Somebody.

thesoupistoosomebody

the soup spilled @
11:48 PM

Friday, June 20, 2008

The soup at Hua's house lazing around. What is the goal in our lives? Is it simply to procreate, pass down your genes to the next generation and pass on to whatever awaits after eternal slumber? Or is there something else in life which we can achieve before we move on? Our life surely cannot revolve around simply ensuring the survival of the next generation or we would be of little difference from animals. Our developed brains must have given us something more to do in life rather than just having sex and making little humans.

thesoupistoohua'splace

the soup spilled @
10:58 PM

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